I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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