do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
