If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
