My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My balls are so social today.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
