It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
