I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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