we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
