like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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