I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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