Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize