Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
