Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
