I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
