I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
