Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
