Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
