bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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