This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
