This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sober January is a disaster.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
