note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
