I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
