omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
