I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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