at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
