You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
