My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize