i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
