Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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