And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
