Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
