I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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