saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
