He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize