my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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