What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
