I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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