You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
