I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
