Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
