Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
