The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
