the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize