drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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