I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
