You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
