I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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