Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
