dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
