I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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