Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
why do cheetos always look like penises
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
