So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
