My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
