a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
