i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
thus making me awesome and them whores
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
