I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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