He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
