I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
