You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
