Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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