He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
