you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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