Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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