Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
