Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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