What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
